Every family is a complex and unique web of individual and collective relationships. Think of it as a sprawling spider’s web, with family members and their lives represented by the strands of the web.
Some strands are far from the center, and their impact is only sometimes felt elsewhere on the web. These are individual family member’s relationships with friends, sports, hobbies, or passing frustrations at school or work. Other strands of the weave, closer to the center, may represent the physical and mental health of different family members.
When you tug on those threads, everyone feels it and its effect ripples throughout the whole family.
We tend to think of depression as something that people struggle with on their own—but it’s a heavy weight on everyone who comes in contact with it. In today’s article, we’ll explore how depression can affect families as well as individuals.
On the Surface
When depression first surfaces, it may be difficult to spot. Routine tasks and household chores may seem difficult, or even impossible. As a result, you might see dishes pile up in the sink, and laundry sit for weeks waiting to be washed. Because it takes more energy to cook dinner in a kitchen full of dirty dishes, fast food often fills the gap. Unhealthy eating habits are often cause for feelings of guilt and shame—more fuel for depression.
In both children and adults, depression often drives people toward isolation. When family members pull away, it hurts, and it’s hard for people who don’t struggle with depression to understand what’s happening.
Depression Among Caregivers
Kids often end up dealing with more than they should have to at a young age. When caregivers struggle with depression, the effect on their children is profound. They may try to pick up the slack for things around themselves in an effort to make their parents happy—or they may feel a sense of shame and guilt, believing that their parent’s depression is their fault.
Children and teens with parents who are depressed:
- often struggle to keep up at school.
- may develop symptoms of anxiety.
- sometimes become depressed themselves.
- are at greater risk for substance abuse.
In cruel fashion, those children often end up struggling with low self-esteem—and their struggles may further fuel those same feelings of inadequacy and failure in their caregivers.
Depression Among Children
Okay—this one is especially tough on parents, so any reading this should take a deep breath and remind themselves that it’s going to be okay. When dealing with depression in children, caregivers are going to naturally experience anxiety, guilt, frustration—even anger. It can feel like an indictment of your ability as a parent.
Depressed teens isolate, act out, and often self-medicate with video games, online media, or food. It is critically important for parents to recognize that depression is difficult for adults to manage—for kids who are also going through puberty and the social grinder of school, it’s a confusing maelstrom.
Because depression is often rooted in a sense of hopelessness or lack of control, it’s important to listen to your kids during these periods. Instead of resorting to discipline, focus on understanding, empathy, and kindness.
Changing Family Dynamics
Depression changes the structure and layout of the family web. It takes up time, energy, and space in the room. Sometimes it’s a signal that things are out of balance and need to change, other times it’s a sign of a serious chemical issue that requires close care. But it is never a moral or personal failing.
Schedule a Consultation
Navigating depression is difficult at the best of times, but you don’t have to do it alone. At New Perspective, we specialize in helping our clients outsmart anxiety, stress, and depression, with cutting edge, non-traditional treatments. Reach out today if you or someone you love is struggling with depression and it’s impacting your whole family.