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How to Deal With Toxic In-Laws

By Antoinette Peterson

Relationships with in-laws are undoubtedly important, however, they can also be a common source of strife among married couples. In certain cases, these relationships can become toxic, causing tension amongst the in-law and married couple. Recognizing this toxicity is critical for resolving it and moving forward. In this blog post, we will discuss signs of a toxic in-law relationship, and how to set healthy boundaries with your in-laws. 

Signs of a Toxic Relationship 

The notion of a ‘toxic in-law relationship’ has become more common these days. Oftentimes, a relationship is not so much toxic as it is difficult. Therefore, knowing when the line has been crossed from difficult to toxic is crucial. Below are just a few signs that your relationship with your in-law is toxic includes the following:

  • Lack of boundaries. This could include showing up unannounced, criticizing your parenting, or meddling in your personal affairs. 
  • Refusing to apologize. If your in-law(s) have clearly done something to harm you and your spouse and/or family, a refusal to apologize indicates a lack of accountability, leaving your hurt and perhaps feeling unable to proceed with the relationship in a healthy 
  • A Codependent Relationship with your Spouse. Because of the way your spouse was raised, they may still have a slightly codependent relationship with their parents. This could manifest as competing for your spouse’s attention or loyalty, leaving your spouse emotionally drained or defensive as they struggle to balance their relationship with you and your spouse. 
  • Creating Drama. Stirring up conflict, exaggerating situations, or lying about certain things is another sign of toxic in-laws. This dynamic can cause family gatherings to feel exhausting and difficult, leaving you on edge and dreading attending these events. 
  • Gossiping. Learning that someone has talked about you behind your back is never a good feeling, especially when that person is your in-law. This can lead to a feeling of betrayal, further distrust, and even impact your relationship with other members of the family. 

Setting Boundaries

The key to working through a difficult dynamic with in-law is to set healthy boundaries. Clear, respectful boundaries are essential and must be upheld. Establishing these boundaries with your spouse can ensure you remain on a united front when approaching complicated in-law interactions. Not only will boundaries allow you to set limits, they will also strengthen relationships across all parties. 

Additionally, open and honest communication — as well as addressing issues early on– can aid in constructively navigating any conflict that arises. When conflict does occur, focus on finding solutions that work for everyone, which may require significant compromise. Even though your relationship with your in-laws may feel rife with conflict at times, it is important that you continue to try and find common ground with them. In doing so, you can help strengthen your relationship going forward. 

How New Perspective Counseling Can Help 

At New Perspective Counseling, we recognize that relationships can be difficult and sometimes anxiety-inducing. Especially as you  navigate family dynamics, consider scheduling an appointment with one of our licensed therapists. Couples therapy can make a significant and lasting difference in improving relationships by guiding you and your spouse in connecting emotionally so you can let go of the anger both past and present and begin to develop skills that make relationships work. Contact us today to schedule an appointment.