What is the Mother Wound?
By Antoinette Peterson
While the term “mother wound” is not one we commonly hear, it is more common than you may think. Put simply, the mother wound is when a child receives the physical care they need from their mother, but not emotional support. This wound has a significant effect on children because it sows seeds of doubt about self worth, trust, and safety in the world around us. Since many are not aware of experiencing the mother wound, it is not frequently spoken about, making it difficult for folks to process and heal from it. In this blog post, we will learn more about what causes the mother wound, signs of the mother wound, and how to heal from it.
What Causes the Mother Wound?
While not a clinical diagnosis, the mother wound is a type of attachment trauma that causes a child to feel unloved, unworthy, abandoned, and/or numb to their feelings. Numerous factors can cause the mother wound, including:
- An inability to cope with the demands of parenting
- A history of abuse or trauma that is unprocessed, and makes emotionally availability difficult or impossible
- Various external factors such as poverty, living in an underserved community, substance use, and intimate partner violence
- A mothers inability to respond effectively to their child’s emotions
- Unavailability – whether physically or through distraction or mental health issues
- A critical attitude toward their child
When a child’s parents do not allow them to feel their complicated feelings, they fail to learn how to regulate or express their emotions, making them susceptible to self- destructive or numbing coping mechanisms. Additionally, growing up in an environment in which they do not fully trust their caregiver(s) can result in approaching relationships and the world with mistrust. As the child learns to undermine their needs and potentially abandon their true self, these strategies could be passed down through generations.
Signs of the Mother Wound In Adults
It may not be easy to tell if you have experienced the mother wound. However, certain feelings towards one’s mother could give you an indication of feeling like your mother only has conditional love for you, feeling as though she loved your siblings more, feeling a sense of responsibility to look after her, and feeling as though your mother will never approve of who you are are just a few indicators. Additionally, certain feelings toward yourself and various behaviors in a relationship could also serve as strong indicators. These include:
- Difficulties managing your emotions
- A fear of becoming like your mother as you age
- Feeling a need for perfection
- Low self-esteem
- Poor relationship patterns such as codependency and self-sabotage
Healing the Mother Wound
There are three primary ways one can work to heal the Mother Wound. The first involves setting boundaries. Establishing a relationship with your mother that is centered on your needs and the ability of your mother to contribute to them in a healthy way is a positive step toward healing the Mother Wound. Additionally, exploring your “inner child” and the emotions you experienced that may have left you feeling ignored, unloved, and not valued can help you work through past negativity. Finally, learning to love yourself and creating a positive mental picture of your life in the present, unscathed by the past concept developed by your mother, can help you learn to forgive and heal from these attachment wounds
How New Perspective Counseling Can Help
Working with a licensed professional is an excellent way to begin your path to healing. Therapy at New Perspective Counseling can help you develop a stronger sense of confidence and self-esteem, build resilience, gain a deeper understanding of yourself, and learn effective coping strategies to help regulate complex emotions both now and in the future. Our commitment is to support you in a compassionate and professional manner, providing guidance as you navigate your journey towards mental and emotional well-being. Schedule an appointment with one of our licensed therapists today.
