Emotional Neglect in Marriage

By Antoinette Peterson

While emotional neglect is more frequently discussed in terms of childhood experiences, there can also be emotional neglect in marriage. A lack of connection and attunement, one partner’s refusal to even acknowledge the other’s emotions, or otherwise not meeting a partner’s reasonable and clearly expressed emotional needs all constitute emotional neglect. In this blog post, we will discuss what emotional neglect looks like in marriage and other romantic relationships, how that impacts other aspects of the relationship, and how it may be connected to childhood emotional neglect.

What is Emotional Neglect?  

In romantic relationships, emotional neglect is defined as the absence of emotional awareness or response. Emotional neglect may be invisible to everyone, including the couple, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t painful. “Lonely” would be a word to accurately convey the feeling of being in an emotionally neglectful relationship. When someone is physically present in your life but emotionally absent, the toll it takes can be devastating. Reaching out and responding to your partner emotionally is vital in any relationship, but with emotional neglect , it is almost as if there is a wall between the two of you. 

Signs of Emotional Neglect

There are a few key signs that emotional neglect is impacting your relationships, these include: 

• Avoiding difficult conversations to not upset your partner
• Difficulty talking to each other about things other than facts and logistics 
• Regularly misreading your partner’s actions, thoughts, or feelings
• Lacking positive emotions, or only experiencing them during moments of physical intimacy
• An inability to argue productively

How are Individuals Impacted by Emotional Neglect in Romantic Relationships? 

Not only can emotional neglect lead to feelings of loneliness, it can also result in an increase in mental health issues such as depression and anxiety. Over time, the emotionally neglected partner may internalize the lack of connection as a personal failure on their part, leading to lower self esteem and feelings of inadequacy. Anxiety may also emerge more strongly as the neglected partner may constantly worry or fear for the stability of the relationship. 

How is Emotional Neglect in Relationships connected to Childhood Emotional Neglect 

Childhood emotional neglect occurs when a parent or caregiver fails to adequately respond to a child’s needs, and is just one form of trauma that can have a tremendous negative impact on a child. It is not uncommon that those who experienced childhood emotional neglect bring that into their adult relationships, having a difficult time noticing and responding to their partner’s feelings. These individuals are often blind to their own emotions as well, which further prevents their ability to connect with a partner. 

How New Perspective Counseling Can Help 

While being in an emotionally neglectful relationship, it may feel impossible that things between you and your partner will ever improve. The good news is that research shows that marriage counseling and couples counseling can make a significant and lasting difference in improving relationships. In couples and marriage counseling, couples are guided in reconnecting emotionally so they can let go of the anger both past and present and begin to develop skills that make relationships work, such as:

• Nurturing fondness and admiration
• Turning towards each other instead of away
• Allowing partners to influence one another
• Problem-solving
• Overcoming gridlock
• Creating a life with shared meaning

When you begin working with one of our licensed therapists, you can stop the arguing, reconnect emotionally and have a loving and fulfilling relationship. Reach out and schedule an appointment with us today.