Where did I Learn Codependent Behavior?

Our early experiences often have the biggest impact on our lives and behavior, especially if these experiences include trauma like neglect or abuse. Unfortunately,  childhood trauma can persist throughout an individual’s life and impact how they experience relationships as an adult.Codependency –an unhealthy reliance on relationships to fulfill emotional needs– is a common symptom of trauma. In this blog post, we will discuss how our earliest experiences lead to codependent behavior. 

The Primary Causes of Codependency 

Codependency is most often the result of a dysfunctional family dynamic, and more specifically, a dysfunctional parent-child relationship. There are three primary dysfunctions within families that are likely to result in codependency disorders in children: 

• Addiction – In these cases, children may fail to recognize the importance of their own mood and needs as they are too concerned with their parents. This pattern will often continue into adulthood. 
• Abuse – Sexual, emotional, or physical abuse may result in a child gravitating toward abusive relationships as an adult, since it is all they have ever known. 
• Chronic illness – When a parent or caregiver has a chronic mental or physical illness, a child may be forced to care for their parent or sibling, creating a dynamic where their  self worth is dependent on their ability to care for others. 

While there are certainly more causes of codependency among young adults, these are the three most common. 

The Impact of Trauma

The causes listed above, and more, can lead to trauma, which physically alters the parts of one’s brain that impact their ability to make decisions, exhibit self control, or regulate fear.  Those who experience these changes may regularly feel on edge, constantly anticipating danger, or develop an excessive need to control other’s emotions to avoid conflict or prevent rejection. 

These feelings undoubtedly affect one’s capacity to form relationships, as children who were raised in dysfunctional environments may question their value and put the needs of others before their own. This persistent fear of rejection resulting from trauma may also lead them to toxic or dangerous relationships as an adult, some in which they feel incapable of leaving. Another response to childhood trauma is forming codependent relationships in which the traumatized individual is a people pleaser, serving as a way to avoid potential dangers and keep a relationship free of conflict. 

Healing from Codependency

Trauma can not only affect you emotionally, but also physically. Research suggests that mindfulness techniques such as yoga, meditation, and somatic therapies can help process your emotions and past wounds from childhood in a safe space. Additionally, learning to set boundaries is another important part of recovery for those who are codependent. Especially after leaving a codependent relationship,  re-establishing a sense of self is critical, as trauma can cause people to feel isolated. Engaging in creative hobbies such as painting, journaling or making music are ways to help you regain a sense of autonomy and find joy again. 

How New Perspective Can Help 

Addressing codependency means addressing old wounds from childhood. The first step is recognizing the problem and acknowledging that it exists. Though it might feel hard to imagin at times, It’s possible to set aside these patterns of behavior and replace them with healthier ones instead. Therapy is an excellent tool for respecting your needs and creating healthy relationships going forward. If you’re interested in learning more, reach out to schedule a free consultation for individual therapy.