Ten Tips For Dealing With Difficult Relationships Over The Holidays

As the holiday season approaches, for many this means more time spent with family. While this may be an exciting time for some, others may feel uncertain about the prospect of coming together with loved ones who share different values, political beliefs, or with whom they have complicated relationships. Additionally, if you are already struggling with anxiety and depression, it could be heightened by spending increased time with friends and family who you do not always get along with. In this blog post, we will provide ten ways to help you navigate these situations and ensure you can enjoy the many positives the holiday season brings.

1. Manage your expectations beforehand 

One of the best things you can do prior to attending a large family gathering is ensure that your expectations are realistic. Setting your expectations too high can lead to disappointment and resentment, but when you approach difficult situations in a grounded, realistic way, you will be less likely to take others’ behavior too personally. 

2. Avoid controversial topics

Topics like politics, religion, and social issues can often lead to disagreements and discomfort. Sticking to discussions of lighter matters such as books, work, school, or even the weather is a good way to avoid controversy at a gathering. 

3. Ground yourself

One way to step into a potentially stressful event is to ground yourself beforehand. This can help you remain mindful and arrive to the event less tense or combative. 

4. Practice Gratitude

While it’s no secret that family gatherings can be tough, try and focus on the positives of a situation. Taking time to remember what you are thankful for –whether it be family, good health, or the means to travel– can help ease your anxiety and remind you of the joys the holiday season can bring.

5. Step Away During the Event

If possible, find a way to take some time to yourself during the event. This can be a great way to calm yourself if you are feeling overwhelmed. 

6. Establish and maintain boundaries

Creating and keeping boundaries is especially important if you are staying with relatives for a few nights. If there is a behavior or topic that you are uncomfortable speaking about or being around (within reason), be clear and upfront with those around you. If certain topics are brought up, it is okay to state that you are not going to discuss that — sometimes you may have to restate these boundaries more than once. 

7. Find Common Ground

Even though you may find relationships with your loved ones challenging, the holidays are a great time to connect with them, especially if you don’t see them often. Take time to listen and be thoughtful, and try to find activities or things to discuss that you enjoy. 

8. Set Time Limits 

If there are family members you have a particularly difficult time engaging with, try to make these visits or events short. Perhaps instead of spending a full day with them, consider a 2-3 hour outing doing something you all can enjoy. 

9. Invite Others to Buffer a Situation

Sometimes, it will be inevitable that you engage with someone you don’t feel comfortable around. In this case, it can be helpful to invite someone you trust into a conversation to help act as a buffer– or even take away the attention from you. 

10. Ask for Help 

If your anxiety around seeing loved ones during the holiday season has become overwhelming, or is hindering your ability to carry out your daily activities, consider talking to a licensed professional. At New Perspective Counseling, we have seen how effective treatment can be. No matter how long you have been struggling, it is possible to live your life free from the anxiety that is holding you back. When you begin anxiety therapy at New Perspective Counseling, you are entering a safe, supportive environment where you can feel comfortable sharing your experience without fear of judgment. Consider scheduling an appointment with one of our licensed therapists today.