When a person experiences a distressing, life-threatening, or disturbing event that they are unable to cope with in a healthy way, this is considered trauma. Trauma can be chronic or ongoing, and can sometimes cause adverse effects throughout a person’s life. Hyper independence is just one example of a trauma response, and entails an individual attempting to be fully independent in every facet of their life, even in instances when they may need support. In this blog post, we will explore the reasons why hyper independence is a trauma response, what it looks like, and how those experiencing hyper independence as a trauma response can get the help they need.
Why is Hyper Independence a Trauma Response
An individual’s hyper independence can stem from experiences such as childhood trauma, abuse, or neglect. These experiences are formative, and could lead to the innate belief that the individual cannot trust or rely on anyone but themselves. Consequently, hyper independent people may have a difficult time asking for help, forming close relationships, and trusting others.
Because some people’s trauma involves experiencing extended periods where their needs were not met, they may believe there is no point in seeking help because others will not or cannot help them. If someone has experienced abuse, they might link the idea of asking for help from a certain person with that person abusing them. Hyper independence may also be a way for a trauma survivor to cope with uncertainty, as they may have felt a loss of control as part of their trauma, and are eager to regain that sense of control again.
Signs of Hyper Independence
Hyper independence can show up in different ways, but some signs include the following:
- Guardedness in relationships. Someone who is hyper independent will struggle to be vulnerable and let others get close to them.
- Secretive. Hyper independent individuals often prefer to keep to themselves and are reluctant to share private information out of fear it may eventually be used against them.
- Few close or long term relationships. For a hyper independent person, opening up to others is difficult, which is one reason why they struggle to form and maintain long term relationships.
- Stress or burnout. An inability to ask for help may lead a hyper independent individual to feeling stress or burnout, since they will often take on more than they can handle.
- Refusing to ask for help. It is hard for a hyper independent person to trust someone because of the trauma they have experienced. For that reason, they may refuse to ask for support or fail to delegate tasks to others.
New Perspective Counseling is Here to Help
Traumatic events can make you feel stuck. Processing memories and feelings in a safe environment unlocks them from the fight or flight part of the brain. The brain-based therapies help to re-file the traumatic event(s) so the memories and “triggers” no longer cause intense emotional and physiological reactions.Our therapists create a safe and sensitive environment where you can also learn new healthy coping skills and if needed, new skills for interacting with those around you. Our approach also entails helping clients learn to listen to their bodies so they can discern what reactions are about the here and now and what reactions are about past trauma. Schedule your first appointment with us today.