Dealing with a Narcissistic Parent

Parents have an enormous impact on their children’s lives, helping to shape the way they perceive the world from early childhood through adulthood. For this reason, the children of narcissistic parents are often left with mental and emotional scars that impact them well after they have begun living on their own as adults. In this blog post, we will help you identify the signs of a narcissistic parent, as well as discuss the impact a narcissist has on their children, and how a child can cope with this kind of behavior.

Signs of a Narcissistic Parent 

Recognizing the signs of a narcissistic parent is critical, as it is the first step towards protecting oneself and finding ways to cope with challenging parental relationships. Living with a narcissistic parent can not only be challenging, but debilitating. While the parent may be admired in public, they often compete with their child and force them to live in their shardow. Common signs of a narcissistic parent include: 

• Using family time as a way to make themselves the center of attention
• Not showing compassion for their children
• Teasing, bullying, criticizing or mocking to boost their own ego
• Dominating through manipulation or fear tactics
• Blaming others when things don’t go their way
• Competing with their children
• Comparing siblings with one another 
• Gaslighting
• Having no tolerance for disobedience, and only showing love when a child does exactly what they are asked

How does this impact children of narcissistic parents? 

The behaviors of a narcissistic parent have an enormous impact on the child. Typically, these children learn from a very young age that their needs and desires are inferior to their parents, and frequently repress their feelings to maintain stability at home. They may also develop low self esteem, anxiety, and/or depression as they attempt to constantly please their parents. 

The consequences of being raised by a narcissist impacts a child outside the home, too. They may grow up to be people pleasers, frequently find themselves in codependent relationships, and have a difficult time forming healthy boundaries. These children may often not recognize their parent as a narcissist, and it may not be until later on in life with the help of a loved one or a therapist that they realize the damage the parent has inflicted upon them. The child may find themself with serious attachment issues. In some instances, they may inadvertently copy the actions of their parent and develop narcissistic traits themselves. 

How to Deal With a Narcissistic Parent

Dealing with a narcissistic parent can be a difficult and draining process. Luckily there are several effective ways to manage a relationship with your parent in a way that minimizes the impact they will have on your mental health. 

• Set boundaries. Define what behaviors you will and will not accept from your parent, and then keep firm in enforcing those. This will help prevent manipulation from them in the future. 
• Limit contact. Especially if you do not live with your parent, limiting your interaction with them is crucial to healing and rebuilding your self esteem. 

• Maintain your independence. Building a life and community outside of your narcissistic parent can help improve your sense of self worth, especially if it has been degraded because of your relationship with your parent. Focus on your own goals, hobbies, and mental health instead of becoming more entangled with their unending needs. 

• Stay informed. Learning about and understanding Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) can offer clarity and eliminate feelings of guilt or confusion you may have after interacting with your parent. 
• Develop a support network. Having trusted individuals in your life who you can speak to about your experiences and lean on in times of need is essential when dealing with a narcissistic parent. Especially if these people understand the pain of narcissistic abuse, they can offer advice and validation.  

New Perspective Counseling Can Help 

Speaking with a professional can assist you in processing your experiences with a narcissistic parent. At New Perspective Counseling, we will address your unique concerns and goals, working with you in a safe, confidential and non-judgmental environment. Make an appointment with one of our licensed therapists today,